I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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