Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
