I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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