do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
