Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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