i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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