so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
