I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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