I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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