you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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