My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
