yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize