I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
