Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
