I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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