I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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