K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
