Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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