U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am spending my child support on dildos
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
