i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
