So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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