Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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