I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
