K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
