roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
