A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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