I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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