I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
