If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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