I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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