The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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