So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
