Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
they're like a gay fantastic four
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
