Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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