i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
