apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
