yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
