Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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