Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
