for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
