Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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