You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
