He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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