I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just gargled with NyQuil
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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