Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
