The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
