Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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