i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
