Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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