Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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