Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
