I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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