He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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