I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
