And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My pussy is not your playground.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
