ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
