I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
