I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
