She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
