OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
