I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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