he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
