It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Green mimosas i think yes
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
