she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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