so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just high enough for therapy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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