Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Someone signed my nipple.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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